Two banners hang on the window in front of my desk. One is a grayscale picture of a Belgian Malinois with the Thucydides quote: “The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out to meet it.”
The other is the whimsical, purple and pink, yellow-eyed Cheshire Cat saying: “If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will get you there.”
The working dog is a symbol of profound loyalty and relentless effort. Then there’s the stupid cat with its stupid smile; reminding us that most of our rituals are either to keep us from going insane or to pass the time until we expire.
“Discipline equals freedom.” You’ve heard the line before, often attributed to Jocko Willink (who needs no introduction). The idea is that when we establish habits, structure, and routine, the things that are important take care of themselves.
This commitment to consistency is framed as liberation from distractions and the waning incentive of motivation. At its heart this is a powerful and accurate concept.
If the first thing I do every morning when my feet hit the floor is:
Push shoes on.
Run with the dogs.
Throw kettlebells around.
Eat breakfast.
Clean up before work.
I’m much less worried about “days off” when I “just don’t feel like it” because exceptions only occur maybe 5 / 100 days.
The folks claiming that the above is obsessive, or “too much work” usually aren’t the ones standing on podiums — so take that for what you will. However, just as avoidance leads us astray in one direction, blind obsession is the other side of the same coin.
Ironically, our beloved discipline can become a cudgel that paradoxically builds a prison. In either case (avoidance or obsession) we become the limiting factor in our own story.
This isn’t the first time these simplistic narratives have drown out the truth:
“Everyone has the same 24-hours in the day.”
“You get what you work for.”
“Eat less and move more.”
“Everything in moderation.”
The issue here is that many of these models assume that people are too dumb to think for themselves. Mainstream medical / nutritional advice is notorious for this. Unfortunately, as a result, people actually do stop thinking for themselves.
For what it’s worth, the counter-argument about “discipline smut” being a “pipeline to toxic masculinity” is a valid criticism. But, it’s not as simple as conceding defeat and assimilating to modernity — becoming undisciplined.
Needs never arise out of coincidence, and this is no different.
Regarding the permeation of “toxicity” here, Richard Reeves does a much better job explaining this specifically for men, but the idea is that super-sterile environments have the counter-intuitive effect of promoting even more aggressive and invasive pathogens.
In biological terms this looks like benign hand washing on the surface, but abuse and overuse of antibiotic drugs leading to the evolution of MRSA. Culturally, in health and fitness, you get Andrew Tate and Brian Johnson.
Of note, this isn’t just a “men’s issue” either. Candi Frazier (with 1M Instagram followers) has a notorious Grinch-like “go fuck yourself” attitude and all the nuance of a drinking straw.
Speaking for myself, that’s not very appealing.
Note: Normally I don’t name names and prefer to criticize ideas rather than a specific person. But, when you intentionally draw attention to yourself like the folks above, you deserve all the strays you catch.
These folks display classic traits of narcissism; not just in a pop-psychology sense, but clinically. As I said above, needs don’t arise out of coincidence, and neither does psychopathology.
But this article isn’t about vicarious diagnosing of celebrities. It’s about misleading reductionist tropes. All of which brings us to that age-old concept that “ego is the enemy.” Admittedly, I have not read Holiday’s book, but we all know how this gets re-spun in headlines and conversation alike.
I’d agree that self-aggrandizing at the pain and expense of others is not a good thing. But that’s not the verbiage that gets used. We’re told, by all kinds of pop-psychology and pop-spirituality sources, to dampen our expectations of and belief in ourselves (“be humble”, “don’t have an ego”) as well as other nauseating fluff (that equally misses the point) about “vision boards” and “affirmations.”
In a literal psychoanalytic context, nothing could be further from the truth. “Ego” is literally our concept of self. Frankly, without it, we’re driven only by pain/pleasure (Id) and internalized praise/persecution (Superego). A true “absence or death of self” leaves us psychotic — tragically ungrounded.
This is worth mentioning because (1) clearly if we’re distracted by every fleeting pleasure or unpleasant prickle we won’t get very far, and (2) even with the purest guide post, if we don’t have a vessel to bring us there, we’re lost all the same.
Now, back to discipline.
You could shave your head, grit your teeth, degrade yourself in the mirror and ask, “who’s going to carry the boats.” You could do that every day for the rest of your life.
I’d hope that, sooner, rather than later, you’re reminded that:
“When a soul suffers too much, it develops a taste for misfortune”
~ Albert Camus, The First Man
As I’ve written elsewhere, resilience is not about how much suffering we can absorb. There’s nothing inherently more noble about getting good at getting beat up whether it’s by yourself or someone else. You certainly don’t get extra credit for doing things “the hard way.”
Resilience is about how much we are willing to change ourselves; which implies that we have a self (Ego) that’s worth nourishing in the first place.
So, why discipline?
Why is it that you chose a particular direction or method to get there?
Is it because you heard it on a podcast or magazine?
Is it because you love the burn in your legs and your lungs?
Is it because you actually do want compliments and recognition, but you’re afraid so you chose to suffer in silence instead?
There is no such thing as stagnation in life. A choice to not act is a choice to be left behind. Skills and traits that are not trained degrade. Everything, including character, is perishable.
So, at some point you will have to choose. That’s non-negotiable. What you deliver and where you end up is a different story.
You won’t get another go around in this lifetime.